What will Heaven be like?
by Mine.immaculate.dream
Summary: Boys Love Origional one shot thigny


I felt it in my chest, this heaviness; a sinking feeling.

I knew what this was…I was losing a part of myself; a part of myself that I knew I would never have again.

"What is it? Why are you staring off when I asked you something so Important?"

I eyed the way his hair looked beneath the city lights, a luminescent halo reflecting in his intent eyes.

There was that pull inside of me again; I felt my face make a slight grimace.

"Sorry, I just…Run away? With you?" I stared down at my worn out shoes. "It just seems so…sudden. What about my job? What about-."

"Forget it all." He said, averting his gaze from the group of people passing the front of his car. "We can just start over. I don't need anything I leave behind and neither do you."

I thought about this for a minute.

It was true for me too…at first thought.

He was so beautiful, the way he looked at me, it almost hurt me.

He was a danger to me…and I can only think reckless thoughts.

"I want to okay!" I exclaimed, my cheeks burning (they seemed to stay that way lately) "But I can't just go…I don't know how."

He looked at me again, staring into me, with a gaze that knew.

What could I do?

"I can't just pretend I don't love you anymore. It's too hard. I just want to have you. You've always been mine you know."

A half smile played on his lips, the corners of his mouth curved upward almost deviously.

I could only agree with him.

We sat silently for what almost seemed like an eternity. I studied the way his long black hair set around his narrow shoulders, the sharp edge of his jaw, his beautifully frustrated features.

God how I loved him.

"I can never deny you." I told him. "But you have to help me. I don't know how to leave her Layne. I don't know how to do this with another guy I've never-."

He covered my mouth with his hand, his stare imploring.

"Why does any of that shit matter when I told you I love you? I know you love me Jess, could you just… forget the gay thing? It doesn't make a difference."

I frowned, my eyes conveying my confusion.

"How does it not make a difference? It's completely different!"

I watched his face suddenly pull into a stoic mask, his blue eyes revealing the slightest hint of panic.

I put my hand on his, and as he gripped mine I could feel his cold skin against me.

"I want to try…I'm just not sure what to do."

His mouth twitched a bit, and then he smiled, turning to me, the wind blowing through the half open car window, giving me Goosebumps. He pulled me close to him then, wrapping me as tight to him as he could. I could feel his nose ring poking into the side of my neck as we held each other.

I sighed so deeply I could feel my shoulders shake a little.

His hands were in my hair.

"Layne?"

He perked up, lifting his head to give me a questioning look.

I could feel my mouth smiling then.

"I'll leave with you."

He bowed his head, hiding his reciprocal grin under his messily teased hair.

"I knew you would."

That's when we were quiet.

"After all the sneaking around, pretending I didn't feel the way I felt…pretending that it didn't matter…pretending that I didn't want to burry my face in your neck every time a saw you…finally we can go somewhere where it won't matter. I can touch you, kiss you, fuck you anytime I want."

I sat up immediately, my eyes grown wide.

"What? Fuck me?"

He raised a manicured brow, his features amused.

I glared into his coal smeared eyes.

"What makes you think you're going to be the one fucking me huh?"

I caught him rolling his eyes.

"Come on, your practically beggin me to throw you over my shoulder and carry you off to-."

"Jesus Layne! I'm not really sure if I want to be fucked okay. It…sounds kind of painful."

He shrugged, his face in a playful glamour.

"Come on blondie… just wait till we're in a room alone for a few minutes, you'll change your mind."

I gasped, my features displaying imaginary shock.

"WHAT?"

I tried to keep playing along, but his hand was sliding up the inside of my thigh and beginning to break my reverie.

There went my cheeks again.

I bit my lip.

"So when are we supposed to leave then? Since you're officially stealing me away?"

I stared at him, waiting for an answer, but he ignored my comment, his concentration set on my legs, my hips…then slowly down my pants.

"Hey!" I yelped in surprise.

He looked at me then, his eyes searching mine, his immaculate face serious.

I my heart thrummed inside of me.

"Please…" he said barley above a whisper. "I'm happy right now…so much so that it scares me. Let's just do this, and enjoy each other. And besides…it's not like this is the first time."

"Fuck…" I said, (my face literally on fire by this point) "I can't stop thinking about you Layne, this is so wrong, we're both guys it's like…I've been told how wrong it was. But….I love you any way."

I felt my eyes stinging.

Great! I thought to myself as I watched your face go from lusty to confused and a bit concerned.

"Jesse?"

I hung my head, my soft bangs shading my eyes as I stared at the floor.

"Please… Tell me you love me. Say you really love me, and you're not going to leave me."

My voice failed me and I hickuped into my scarf, my eyes betrayed me then and I started to cry.

That's when he touched me, moving my hair off of my shoulder and tucking it behind my ear.

He sighed deeply.

I could feel my embarrassment overwhelm me as I saw a couple walk by our car, staring inside as they strolled past.

Layne glared at them as they pretended not to see him pull me close.

"I'm not going to leave you, you're the only boy I have silly."

I laugh-sobbed into his shoulder, and buried my face in him. His hair had the faint smell of hairspray and sweat. I hid myself in it.

"How in the hell could I leave you Jess? I just got you! How could I every throw away my most coveted possession?"

He was warm, his bare skin on mine, I leaned into him breathing his scent, letting my eyes drip onto his shoulder.

"I feel stupid."

"Don't"

"…kay"

"I love you Layne, so much…it hurts me. I just want to be yours for a while, even if it means I have to let you go one day. Even that… would be enough for me."

I rubbed my eyes with the sleeve of my sweater, and leaned back to get a good look at him.

He looked…distraught.

My voice caught in my throat.

"Layne?"

"I love you too."

He took a deep breath, holding it in for a moment before he let it out.

I held my breath.

"Kiss me."

I leaned forward, closing my eyes as I let him take over.

First there were his lips, soft yet unyielding, pressing and inviting. Then our tongues, ravenous and demanding. I felt his hands moving over me, everywhere, touching me, exploring me, my tense body.

I felt as if I couldn't keep my mind from dipping into traitorous thoughts, my breath caught in my throat I smiled against his lips.

He smiled back.

And then there was heaven, and I sought solitude there; my heart pleading with my mind to forget everything. My being, my soul, my heart….with everything, I wanted to believe him. I wanted him to steal me away from reality, to a place where he and I could be free. A place inside myself, in my mind, I wanted him to take me with him.

"My memories told me  
>In a dream once<br>That you've spent a quiet night in our past  
>A past still bleeding with questions<br>The answers too often ignored  
>… my torture.<p>

I let the stars  
>Witness the honesty<br>I am true to the lie  
>That I'll never be …<br>I'll take a breath  
>To breathe you into me<br>I won't ever let it go  
>'til you come back to me"<p> 


End file.
